Alright, so..... I may be one foot in the closet and one out.
I mean my parents kind of know, but...... we (and by we I mean mostly I) sort of make it a point not to talk about it. :/ It's kind of the best situation for everyone. But lately..... Things have been happening.
I've been dreaming about boys, but.... I've been making slip-ups. And they've been happening in front of my brothers. Like today, my mom and brothers were talking about my cousins and how we never see them (A totally different topic we'll get to at a later date), and I said, quite literally, "Don't worry Mama, soon you'll have my girlfriend's family to hang out with." IN FRONT OF MY TEN YEAR OLD BROTHER WHO DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE WORD LESBIAN MEANS. And I'm not ready to try and talk to him about it and what I am. I'm not even entirely sure WHAT I am. Cuz I mean last night I dreamed about a boy. And I was seriously getting the hots for him. O.O
I don't even want to try and begin to sort that mess out. But then again, maybe that's part of the problem. Maybe I'm still half-way in the closet is because I'm still scared of what I am. No, scared is a weak word. I'm still kind of TERRIFIED of what I am. Because on the one hand, I want to have a partner, and a family, and a meaningful physical relationship with that person, and I don't really care what their gender is. But then what my parents drilled in to my head about God and how I'm damned to hell if I try anything physical and it's not natural, and all this other crap.... it bursts through and makes me scared and chicken out. And I hate it.
I hate being scared of what I am. I hate that I'm terrified to even try and do anything outside of my computer. But..... time heals all wounds, right? It's time I stop living in fear and DO SOMETHING. I need to get out. I need to get involved in something. But I can't do that without my driver's license and a convincing lie. :/ It'll sort itself out. It always does.....
So let's do something new. Since we have our own twitter (*Cough* @Minionluv23 *Cough*), here's a question for the week: If you're still in the closet, what are you scared of? If you're out, what was one thing that you were scared of? How did it work out? Lemme know in the comments or on twitter.
That's all for this week. Make sure to follow this blog, comment, and all that good stuff. I'll be back next week with something new for us to explore and I look forward to hearing all of your answers to the question! :)
Love,
Minion
I mean my parents kind of know, but...... we (and by we I mean mostly I) sort of make it a point not to talk about it. :/ It's kind of the best situation for everyone. But lately..... Things have been happening.
I've been dreaming about boys, but.... I've been making slip-ups. And they've been happening in front of my brothers. Like today, my mom and brothers were talking about my cousins and how we never see them (A totally different topic we'll get to at a later date), and I said, quite literally, "Don't worry Mama, soon you'll have my girlfriend's family to hang out with." IN FRONT OF MY TEN YEAR OLD BROTHER WHO DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE WORD LESBIAN MEANS. And I'm not ready to try and talk to him about it and what I am. I'm not even entirely sure WHAT I am. Cuz I mean last night I dreamed about a boy. And I was seriously getting the hots for him. O.O
I don't even want to try and begin to sort that mess out. But then again, maybe that's part of the problem. Maybe I'm still half-way in the closet is because I'm still scared of what I am. No, scared is a weak word. I'm still kind of TERRIFIED of what I am. Because on the one hand, I want to have a partner, and a family, and a meaningful physical relationship with that person, and I don't really care what their gender is. But then what my parents drilled in to my head about God and how I'm damned to hell if I try anything physical and it's not natural, and all this other crap.... it bursts through and makes me scared and chicken out. And I hate it.
I hate being scared of what I am. I hate that I'm terrified to even try and do anything outside of my computer. But..... time heals all wounds, right? It's time I stop living in fear and DO SOMETHING. I need to get out. I need to get involved in something. But I can't do that without my driver's license and a convincing lie. :/ It'll sort itself out. It always does.....
So let's do something new. Since we have our own twitter (*Cough* @Minionluv23 *Cough*), here's a question for the week: If you're still in the closet, what are you scared of? If you're out, what was one thing that you were scared of? How did it work out? Lemme know in the comments or on twitter.
That's all for this week. Make sure to follow this blog, comment, and all that good stuff. I'll be back next week with something new for us to explore and I look forward to hearing all of your answers to the question! :)
Love,
Minion
